The study of what?

I watch people sometimes. So fascinating. Every move. Every little grimace on their faces. Sometimes I watch myself. Sometimes I feel so detached from myself I don't know what I feel or want or think. So I'm trying to figure out what's the deal with me by analyzing what I'm doing. It's something like experimental linguistics - you cannot get into someone's head to see how language works in there so the only thing to do is to observe its external reflexes... Unfortunately, it seems that that approach has not been the most efficient in linguistics. Whenever you go you'll find question marks and disputes, and speculations, and no, absolutely no definite answers. Still, every linguist is trying very hard to project an air of confidence and present their ideas as some revolutionary solutions worth a Nobel Prize. I'm getting sick and tired of reading all these old phrases and even more disgusted to find myself using the very same academic tricks in my writing. Not to say that all of these findings/investigations are untrue/uninteresting. It's the need to sell them that turns the process of discovery into some cheap merchandise.
But I digressed, as usual. My problem is that I'm using too many words trying to say simple things. Or maybe trying to say something that should be buried, hidden, forgotten. I just envy people who feel good in their own skin. Envy them so much.

Demons

I hear them sometimes
They whisper from the walls
Little breaths of words
Split-second images
I stare into the darkness
Heart beating faster
Faster

My own personal demons
Sometimes I say...
Just do it finally!
Destroy my life
You've been trying for so long
I'm tired of being
The prey

I feel them sometimes
Reaching down my spine
And up my throat
Twisting and turning
Somebody's screaming
Cold fingers
Entering