Pain

I give up. I will never write a positive post ever again. The evening after I wrote my last post I was struck with the worst pain I'd had since being in labor... I did not sleep almost the whole night suffering and risking to overdose on painkillers as I was taking one after another with no effect. When it finally stopped around 4 am I was afraid to move. I felt as if I were made of glass that will break into million pieces if I make it move an inch. It took me a whole day to persuade myself that no, I am not made of glass and my body can probably take much more pain and still function - maybe not perfectly well but still well enough for nobody to notice. I'm good at hiding things. Sometimes.
Pain is a funny feeling. It clears your mind of unnecessary stuff and leaves you with the fundamental building blocks of your existence. You are aware of every tiny particle in your body and how your whole being can crush because of just a few of them. You see the big picture. The most important things that you would miss if you had to give in to the pain and its source. But for that it needs to last a while, a short period of pain is just a nuisance you can kill most of the time pretty fast. It cannot go on for too long, though, because then it gives birth to fear and as one wise little green guy said "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate... leads to suffering." I guess it can also work the other way around. Fear and suffering seem to be entangled in one scary nightmare. Anger and hate are closely connected too but for me anger is often a result of feeling powerless about something that is very important to me. I've never experienced the full power of hate though I do not doubt that under certain circumstances I would be capable of this feeling as well. I hope I never will.

A little light

I am in a surprisingly positive mood. I don't get this feeling that often so I felt it was worth noting. I am wondering, though. How much is this a change in my brain that has been brought about by some general feeling of content generated by several little but hopefully good things that have been happening or by a little less natural means. I won't elaborate but yes, that's my question...
I mean, I don't really want to undermine my suddenly acquired ability to feel good for a change - I enjoy it no matter what the source is. I would just like to know a little more about the mechanics of the whole thing so that I can make this miraculous thing happen again, if that is up to me at least in part. I'll just go and figure this out. Now. Before it becomes an elusive memory of something that happened long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away!

Me and control, again

I'm starting warm up to my language saving enterprise. Maybe enthusiasm is contagious after all? I think what I am dealing here with is not necessarily a problem with the fact that languages are not very neat - what can we expect, after something has been around for so long it has too get a little messy eventually... The problem I have to overcome is my love for neatness and control. I have to overcome my drive to put everything in nicely organized folders. I have to accept a bit of blurriness here and a big yawning gap there and the fact that I may not be able to systematize and understand everything at once, or maybe ever. Just like I may be forced to let some things in my life spin out of control from time to time as I have no chance to keep everything going in the direction I set. The best I can do is work slowly and add, add, add little pieces, constantly hoping that they will all fall into place eventually... Why put a restraining order on everything?

"The aim of science is surely to amass and systematize knowledge" (V. Gordon Childe)

Why does it sound like labelling and reducing? Can it be done differently? Both in life and linguistics?!