It is hardly surprising that being misunderstood or misjudged by somebody you respect, hurts more than when you have no regard for the person. You do not need to think long and hard to figure this out. The fact that it is so obvious does not help much. You feel you have been misled, tricked, deprived of something precious. If you are as stupid as I am you are trying to straighten things out and.... you may actually make it worse, get even more misunderstood.
Sometimes you just have to let things go, just forget it, stop caring! I have to learn to sense the borderline here -when fighting to maintain your integrity ends and an idealistic quest for truth begins. It is not worth it. You cannot make everybody understand you, your motives, your feelings... What difference would it make anyway? I guess it could even be too dangerous. It is much safer to mold a few versions of oneself, practice the roles, and learn how to decide which one is appropriate for which occasion. I better get started. I do not want to act on impulse again and get in trouble.
A few days ago I thought May was going to be a really good month for me, after so many ups and downs, I hoped this coming month would give me something positive for sure. Something to enjoy. At least part of it has just died. It is all one big farce.
When will I finally learn that I cannot change some things and enjoy what I actually can do?!
2 comments:
Pretty sad post, hope you are okay.
Thanks Omar, I'm fine - just one of the 'down' moments, not the worst I have been through and it's practically over now. Trying to concentrate on the highlights of my life now, no matter how hard it proves to be sometimes.
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