This is probably the last post I'm writing in New York. I won't have much time over the next two days to do anything except packing and everything that goes with it, like realising I don't have something I really need and rushing to get it. It seems I will be left to deal with all that alone if I don't enlist my friend to help... Atmosphere around very heavy, very difficult to ignore, very exhausting, very everything... as usually in the days before I leave for Poland. It's kind of our tradition now. I wonder... never mind.
I always think that my plane may crash and how everything would end so fast. Big dreams, small joys, tiny nervous breakdowns, overblown emotions, and all these little, trivial problems. But trivial only when you look at them from death's perspective, whatever that can actually be... Nothing's trivial when you're stuck right in the middle of it. And you're tired, and insecure, and rather pessimistic by nature. The only thing I can do is just to walk on, and on, and on. Slower or faster, with ease or with difficulty, but forward. And I know I have a lot more mistakes to make ahead of me, this seems to be my life - a very bumpy road to perfection. Hopefully, I will get there eventually. But because I'm not even close, I do hope my plane gets me safe to Poland and back. I have so much to come back to, more than ever before. I need a long, quiet, relaxing, uneventful vacation. I'll just make an exception for one week in August. A healthy dose of fun in appropriate company has never hurt anybody, right?
2 comments:
"A healthy dose of fun in appropriate company has never hurt anybody, right?"
Define 'healthy', 'dose', 'fun', 'appropriate' and 'hurt'. Den we tok. :P Cya in August, presumably. :)
Easy - "healthy" in this context means "just right, not excessive (like in drug overdose)", "dose" is really only an expression of quantity, "fun" can mean a lot of different things, that's true, but here it means carefree time filled with talking, seeing places, laughing, eating, and talking again - seems to be the simplest and most common form of fun, "appropriate" means here suitable for the purpose of having just the kind of fun described above and if all of these things work as they should, there can be no harm done to anybody, which brings me to "hurt"... meaning most probably this feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you or other people want to die, is that right? Or rather is this your idea of fun too? Because this is what my friend and I are going to try to achieve, even if just for a short time.
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