Around noon the Sun was one third less... A partial solar eclipse. Definitely not as exciting as it used to be to people but still reminds us (at least it does to me) that we are only little specks of matter in a huge universe. I cannot believe we spend most of our lives as blind as ants marching in circles around their anthill. Tending to our little tiny problems, carefully constructing our miniscule plans, and putting amazing amounts of arduous work into our miniature projects. Ants work together, their survival depends on it. People seem to work hard on isolating, fracturing, and promoting everything that would make an individual self-suficient. We call it nicely being independent, strong, carrying your own weight, reaching your full potential... and these are all truly virtuous ideas but often we take it too far, as it is quite common for human race to engage in excess. What happens then? We become simply egocentric, concentrated so much on our own self that we cannot even pretend we are interested in what other people do, think, or feel. And even if we are interested it is only when we can get something out of it. There are many different roads to this destination. Sometimes it seems you have no other choice. Sometimes you can become your own 'family-centric' and see any outside input as potentially damaging, hostile, or just offensive. Why should you let anybody ruin what you have worked so long to build? I started thinking here about people and situations I know but many of them are so complex that I won't even try to understand the reasons, sources, products... The line between being a strong, decisive, mentally integrated person and an opinionated egocentric is sometimes as thin as the one between people who simply like to have some control over the world around them and the ones suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
On the brighter note, I spent the whole afternoon and evening walking barefoot in my mom's garden, playing with my kids, eating ice cream and peaches (straight from the tree and warm from the sun) and I even did some gardening, the last of which I found surprisingly relaxing. I discovered that when you work in the garden you literally stop thinking... What a refreshing change! It felt so good I could get addicted. I mean, you do think but it's different than what thinking usually feels like. I was thinking in images, saw in my head the things I was doing and mostly just manipulated it. I don't know if it's like this for everybody but I guess there must be something in it - so many people enjoy gardening. I don't know how often I could do it but it would come in handy from time to time. Everybody needs a break.
Yes! I managed to stop writing about negative revelations of mine and finish my post with a 'bees and flowers' kind of thing. I'm so PROUD of myself. Sigh.
4 comments:
Gardening...It's not that it's not thinking. Rather, I think it's thinking with your hands, and your toes, and your nose, and all the little hairst that stand up when you touch the soil. Not always, but sometimes, such thinking brings us to solutions or realizations that the other type(s) will never provide. Or what about the ways we put a special plant somewhere? There are those who sketch it out, but then there are those who allow the plant to find its place. Bricolage anyone? Levi-Strauss??
There you go... and now my little gardening experience has turned intellectual. Am I cursed?!
Now seriously, there are also those who try to sketch it out but it constantly gets out of the path so carefully designed. Should such a person then pull the stubborn weed out? Or let it grow?
The solutions or realizations we arrive at are still made in our heads and mostly reflect who we are and what we've experienced. No matter what kind of interdisciplinary approach we will employ.
Of course certain creativity is possible - depending on how healthy (or not!) our brain is and how much gardening we do... After all, we recycle a limited number of words every day to create unique sentences that are limited in numbers only by human boundaries. So maybe we can pick up the pieces and build something new when we let ourselves be open to all the input we can get?
That would be much too optimistic fo me to say. Wait, did I just say it?
I am happy you are enjoying that feeling of of manipulating nature, connecting with the plants in the garden -- using your hands instead of your brain. (Personally, I can't stand gardening, but I admire people who do.) It's what others might get out of cooking or knitting. Imagine how easy it is to escape when one is hand-kneading dough for 20 minutes or painstakingly embroidering handkerchiefs. I have done both and it's fantastic. People underestimate the power of unnecessary manual labor. For me, it serves a higher purpose -- it's therapy, it's being with yourself in a pure and simple existence. It's nice when the rest of one's life is filled with complications.
As for the difference in being a a strong, decisive person vs. an egocentric one...I think that has all to do with who is creating the opinion of the person. Which one am I? Depending on who you ask, I could be either or both! In the end, you do what you have to do for yourself and your family. Period. You don't have a choice. Should you choose to fall apart because it is more admirable? I don't think so. As long as a person can live with them self and not damage others in the process, then it really doesn't matter.
Whatever happened to human race if we need the most natural activities to serve the purpose of therapy... something's seriously wrong!
I really admire your spirit, Christine. Always looking on the bright side. I spend too much time in the grey area - overlaps, ambiguousness, no clear answers... every detail matters.
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