Linguistic and other types of conversations

Some conversations tire me out so much. Not all kinds of conversations, of course, some are inspiring and make me feel so much more alive. I'm talking about some specific type of 'linguistic' conversations, under some specific circumstances. Conversations with professional linguists about their area of linguistic expertise are so draining... I am not the most social of creatures but there is hardly anything I love more than a good, engaging conversation. I can be charming, thoughtful, funny, very agreeable in general. Well, maybe not with everybody, but I guess with a majority of potential interlocutors I would find a way to appear quite pleasant to talk to. I can adjust to lots of different styles, I guess. However, there are people with whom I find it hard to talk even though I like and/or respect them. I believe it's the task of adjusting the social style in combination with discussing linguistic topics (at least some of the time) that make it so much harder.

Let me make it all a little more explicit. It's easy to talk linguistics with someone who knows obviously less than I do on some topic - than I do the social work only, and to someone who knows more linguistics but whose age and social interaction style is closer to mine - than I can concentrate on the linguistic side of the conversation. The headache comes when I talk with a linguist who knows obviously more than I do AND whose style I have not been able to figure out yet or who is just so very incompatible with me that no adjusting can fix the gap. The feeling I get then is that I'm walking a very thin line stretched high up and it takes so much effort not to crash! On the optimistic side, I must say that the line walking is getting a bit easier - could it be connected with the number of articles I add to my 'read' list? - so maybe I will eventually get to the point where the social part of the conversation will be my main challenge? Because if I stay as I am I will always, even if subconsciously, play this game of getting people to show me who they are and how they talk before I truly start talking to them. It's always a testing period first. How awkward I feel before I have that done! It's so easy when I meet somebody who saves me the effort and either lets me find out what I need to know within just minutes of our first conversation or clearly has some rules established as to what is allowed and expected. But... how interesting to get to study somebody who has no set rules but at the same time is not willing to open up and let people see exactly what they are made of. I have to say it can be a nerve-racking experience, though. Because to get this kind of a person all figured out, it sometimes requires giving a bit of oneself away. The outcome of such a procedure might not be exactly as intended or expected. Occupational hazard, I guess, it could be called.