My boys

Ok, I have just looked at my last post and I must say it sounds pretty bad. I should always wait a little to cool off before rushing to write down my turbulent thoughts. It might scare somebody. It might scare even me in a year or two, who knows. And definitely in 10 years. I just hope my kids never find this blog (I guess I'll just stop writing and delete the whole thing one day) or they will think their mom was pretty crazy.... Not that they will not be able to figure that one out without reading the blog, sooner or later they will see things more clearly.

However, to think of it, I do behave in the most normal of my ways around them and it's not something I have to try hard to do, I guess they do stabilize a lot in me. They are such a delight to be around (except during the let's-go-crazy-and-run-around-the-house-screaming exercises... or my-life-is-so-awful-because-I-have-to-do-homework kind of thing... ). I love my bedtime reading time with Thomas. We often also talk and the questions, comments, thoughts of my 6 year old son about life and our world are so amazingly insightful and delightfully naive at the same time that it is always extremely refreshing and beautiful to talk to him. Once we were reading about Marie Sklodowska-Curie and he said "You wouldn't like that mom, not to be able to go to college. I know you love to learn and girls could not go to college at that time. I know you would not like that at all." Some time earlier we talked about the times when women could not study, when black people could not sit on the bus with white people. He asked so many questions about that and it was so wonderful to see how unimaginable it was for him, how devoid of any sense. I would like him to stay that way forever!

With David it's already a different story. He's is maturing and becoming a little man. When we have a bit of time to talk we often end up discussing things that need clarifying - things that look good on the outside but may not be truly so, ways to lead a good life, be a good person. He must be in the middle of figuring out the moral part of his life views/attitudes. He still has such wonderful, innocent understanding of how life should be. Life, love, relationships - this is all simple and obvious for him now, good is good and bad is bad and that's that. He knows already things can get uglier, more difficult, more complicated but this somehow has not tarnished his heart yet. He has no baggage yet, no hurt, no burden to carry. I can only hope I teach him well and he will be able to take the hard part of life and still remember about the beauty he has in himself now, despite of my own weaknesses/deficits in that area...