When?

When will you stop hurting me with your words?
When?
Speaking to me, looking at me like that...
When will you talk to me and not think these ugly thoughts?
When?
As if I were your worse enemy...
When will we able to spend time together.
Free of bad memories.
Free of fear.
Free of suspicion.
Free of attacks.
Free of bitterness.
Just.... us.
When.... ?
No expectations, no.
Why should it be better, ever?
But the longing remains.
It remains.
It hurts.

These suggestions, these vile pieces of something that must be going on in your head, you throw them at me and watch me. Watch how I react. Some twisted, passive-aggressive way to try me. Always trying me. You will always find something to feed on. Obsession. It's eating away at your soul. It will consume you. You will destroy yourself and us.

I'm somewhere in the air. Losing myself. Twisting. Turning. No balance. No top, no bottom. Silence full of noises. Frozen. Motionless. Eyes burning. Insides crying, sobbing, shouting! No! No ground. Empty space full of swirling mess. Tied.

Sometimes... I just want to... let go...